Cancer: The Tie That Binds/Bonds Strangers

I was recently out walking laps around 7 West, the Oncology floor here at St. Francis,  as I often do while a patient up here.  Most times I'm the lone walker, but I have met some folks too.  A family member of a patient and today another patient.  It is rather odd how we don't introduce ourselves by our names, but rather by our condition...what type of cancer we are in here receiving treatment for.  That seems odd, yet it is our battle with cancer that binds us into the "same boat" so to speak so I suppose it is only natural that we use that as our means of introduction. 

The family memeber I met back in May, while here for chemo #4, was walking towards the elevators to leave as I was heading that way to circle back around and begin another lap.  I pulled over to let her pass to the elevator buttons, but she stopped a little bit behind me.  I told her I was just out walking and she could go ahead of me to the elevators. She said, "No, I can't.  This is intruding, but I need to ask someone who 'knows' some questions.  Please!"  Tears began to fill her eyes and I immediately said it was NOT an intrusion and to ask away.  She proceeded to explain to me that her 72 year old mother was in here and had been told a couple weeks prior that she had cancer and had received her first round of chemo, but was now terribly sick with an infection in her bowels that she apparently picked up here at the hospital.  She asked if I could believe anyone could get an infection at the hospital.  I grinned and yes, I could imagine that...in fact I had just completed being treated for a staph infection in my cerebrospinal fluid.  She said, "And you've come back to continue chemo."  Sure I have, I told her.  She told me her mom was refusing to ever have more treatment and so this gal was wondering if it was her place to insist her mom continue.  Praise the Lord, I was able to say that I clearly understood where her mom's mindset was right then because I'd been at a point of absolute discouragement when I was so sick prior to them finding the staph infection.  I pointed out that when you feel that miserable for so many days on end, you truly reach the point where it all seems so not worth the hassle, discomfort, and continuing with the battle is the last thing you desire.  I said that while I didn't know her mom's prognosis, if it were me, I'd not mention chemo at all right now, but instead encourage her through the antibioitic treatments for the infection until she began to feel better and her perspective was able to return.  "But I don't want her to die just because she didn't do chemo."  My heart broke for this dear woman and I told her that I knew what losing a parent felt like as my dad had passed away just a couple years ago and while my mom is still alive I've "lost" her to her memory.  Suddenly we were bound even moreso.  I told her to make sure her mom understood that the chemo did not cause the infection; infections are unfortunate possiblities that can arise in hospitals.  And I said that once her mom felt better I was sure they'd be able to talk further about continuing the battle against her cancer and that I'd be praying toward that end.  The tears continued to fall down her cheeks as she smiled and thanked me and yet again apologized for asking such intruding things.  "Not an instrusion at all, I promise."  Then off she went to the elevator and I've not seen her again.  But I've been praying her mom chose to press on in the battle with cancer.  I likely will never know since I can't ask the staff about private info on other patients...plus I don't her name.  :-)  But the Lord knows because he sent me walking at just that time so that woman would meet someone who'd battle an infection and the mental down-time such added issues can bring to the battlefield.  The Lord is the true tie that binds.

Now today I met a patient out walking.  She had her mask on and we'd both been down in Main Admitting earlier this morning.  She stopped walking and mentioned seeing me downstairs that morning and asked if I finished with my chemo for today.  I pointed to my green covered bag and told her it'd be running for 24 hours.  She said that hers had run 30 mins each for 2 bags so she was out walking while she still felt good.  She asked if I was also in the isolation area and I said no just a regular room.  I asked if she had Leukemia and she said no, she had Multiple Myeloma which has no cure, but is treatable and she'd be having a stem cell transplant tomorrow (6/29/10/).  I told her my dad had a stem cell transplant 12 years ago for lymphoma and he lived an additional 9+ years after it.  She said that was her prayer; that it would work and she could get about 10 more years...as opposed the the 3-4 currently given.  I said that I would definitely be praying for her tomorrow regarding the stem cell transplant.  She was very grateful and so I'd like to ask anyone that reads this to pray Tuesday and beyond for my "pink-ballcapped-hall-walking-friend" as she has her stem cell transplannt and for those stem cells to rejuvenate her blood supply and bone marrow so she can live longer than now given.  But as she said, "The Lord knows what will happen, but who knows, in 10 years they may have found a drug to cure multiple myeloma."  So true, I said, they just may.  We went back to our separate walking routes with a hearty, "God bless" to each other.  I may not see her walking again before I leave as she'll be pretty weak after the transplant for a while, but maybe I'll see her husband and will be able to check on her that way.  But if not, the Lord knows...goodness, He knows her name not just her condition! ;-)  I'm so thankful, that He had me walking once again at just the right time so we could meet and be an encouragement to each other  Such a blessing. 

Cancer a positive?  Sure, why not?  When writing of facing storms and obstacles in life, F B Meyer says in Streams in the Desert, "Dare to trust Him!  Dare to follow Him!  Then discover that the forces that blocked your progress and threatened your life become at His command the very materials He uses to build your street of freedom."  See to me, meeting a stranger on 7 West and chatting with them through the cancer bond that binds us may just, perhaps, be as Hebrews speaks of, a little like entertaining angels unawares.  The street to freedom from cancer can be positive for the old hymn is right, "Blessed be the ties that bind..." 

Cancer: Is It All Consuming? You Bet and Praise the Lord!

"You have Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia."  The words sent chills down our spine and fear into our hearts and an instant silent prayer to my lips...'Lord give me strength to hear this all out.'  For the next several minutes we listened to the Oncologist explain this disease.  Thankfully, he started by telling us it has a 95% cure rate.  But then as we listened to medically technical explanations our minds were reeling.  I found myself thinking, more than once during his speech, how will I ever get through this; it will change everything.  And that it does, my friends.  Fighting cancer (leukemia) is indeed an all consuming battle.  Or shall I say an A.L.L. consuming battle in my case.  :-)

It isn't just tough during the chemo infusions.  They are a big part of the battle, but then you go home and the chemo remains within your body for a while and so you begin to deal with side effects, some of which are not pleasant and many of which are not the same from round to round.  It becomes sort of a wait and see guessing game.  For example, the shot I receive to help boost my bone marrow recovery makes me feel like I have flu body aches for several days.  This last one however, also made my skin hyper sensitive to even the touch of my clothes.  Never the same rate of dropping blood levels; ever changing side-effects to deal with; and other unknowns I'm sure I've yet to meet.  My blood crashes to the point of having no immune system as it fights through the effects of the chemo, which is what is supposed to happen, but which is also very tiring, and risky.  Then it gets to the point where it can begin to rebuild itself back to "normal" at which point I get to start the whole process all over again.  I find myself waking up some mornings and after doing the old, 'what day is it and where am I' then I remember, "oh that's right, I still have a fight with leukemia on my hands.'  See what I mean, it is truly  A.L.L. consuming stuff, day in and day out.  But the grace of God is also A.L.L. consuming and His mercies are new every morning. 

The great man of faith, George Mueller once said, "The only way to know strong faith is to endure great trials.  I have learned my faith by standing firm through severe testing."  Amen!.  As a family, we experienced a time of testing and great closeness with the Lord after He called our young Caleb home to heaven May 23, 2003 when I was 7 months pregnant with him.   We learned MUCH about the Sovereignty of the Lord through that trial.  This time the trial is a bit different; to me it is more about needing to constantly cling to the Lord in order to combat the all consuming issue this fight with A.L.L. is.  God's Sovereignty is reigning supreme once again, but the battle is so different; so constant.  But praise the Lord, He never fails.  When the battle makes me weary, I have only to say, Lord, You are my source of strength; my stronghold.  When the battle frustrates me with all it's changing issues, I have only to look up and hear Him say with a smile, the battle belongs to the Me not you.   When the battle frightens me, I look up and say, "When I am afraid, I will trust in You."  

So yes, cancer is an all consuming thing, but praise God because God is good A.L.L. the time; A.L.L. the time God is good.  His A.L.L. consuming love never fails.  He never fails to teach his children glorious things of Himself A.L.L. the way through tough times!  And best of A.L.L., His A.L.L. sufficient grace is EXACTLY that!!