As most of you know, I have an Ommaya Reservoir inserted in my head to deliver chemo directly into my cerebrospinal fluid. Technically they call that "intrathecal chemo." But don't let their fancy words fool you, all it really means is let's inject chemo into Mo's brain!! :-) The first Ommaya I had developed a staph infection and had to be removed and I was on heavy dose antibiotic for several weeks. But then, of course, doctor said I needed another one put in so the "protocol of 4 chemo doses through it" could happen. I was a tad bummed by that, but also not really surprised. This second Ommaya has been functioning as it should and not causing any problems. Annoying, yes. Infected, no. Praise the Lord. Yet I've still been counting down the final 3 intrathecal chemos and eagerly anticipating their end.
On July 1st, as the doctor was injecting chemo into my Ommaya I was cheering about that being the final one to which he said, "Oh no, we're doing 2 more after this; one each time you come in for your chemo through your chest port." I was somewhat dumbfounded, but managed to say only, "oh, okay." When he left, I convinced myself that he had simply misspoken. I was sure that when he checked his notes he'd figure that out. After all, when he decided I needed the Ommaya reinserted the second time he had said it was because protocol was 4 doses. Besides, 4 is what I wanted. 4 was all I was anticipating. This is all about me, right? ;-)
The next morning when he came in, at his usual 6:45 AM, he began to explain the fact that I had only 2 rounds of chemo left (after the one being administered then) and 2 more doses through the Ommaya. "But you said protocol was 4 and yesterday was the 4th one," I whined. "Well, protocol has changed," he said with a sly grin. I was not grinning mind you and that was not due to the early hour. Apparently protocol is 4-6 doses; why he had said 4 earlier is beyond me...likely to ease me into accepting the second Ommaya surgery.
To say that I was downhearted when he left my room would be an understatement. I kept thinking, 'but I don't want any more chemo through this stupid thing; it's not fair. He said 4; of course adding 2 more is nothing to him, he's not the one with this thing stuck in his brain like a turkey baster with it's bulb sticking up on the top of his head.' (Okay, a turkey baster is larger than this, but hey, this thing is in MY head so I get to call it what I wish.) :-) Well, as I sat whining and muttering about him under my breath I suddenly found myself thinking of the verses that I had just read and underlined in Psalm 119. (vs 50) "My comfort in my suffering is this; Your promise preserves my life." (vs.57) "You are my portion, O Lord; I have promised to obey Your words." Oh my!
"But come on, Lord. I battled weeks of headaches and fevers with the first one of these and I battled to keep pressing on in this fight against the leukemia during that time too and You brought me through all that so why....oh my! Rats! Okay, Lord."
Oh my Ommaya, you scare me not. I still don't like you, no not one tiny bit, but 'His promises preserve my life.' And one of His promises is to be with us always, therefore we need not fear. Dislike, perhaps, but never fear...especially never fear turkey basters. :-o
"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you." Psalm 116:7
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